“I should feel grateful… but I feel like a stranger in my own skin.”

After cancer treatment, many people tell me they don’t feel like themselves anymore.Not just physically, but in how they move, decide and trust their body. Confidence – in everyday things like walking, exercising, socialising, or making plans – can quietly slip away. Often this comes as a surprise, especially when treatment has finished and people are told they are “doing well”.

What’s important to understand is that this loss of confidence is not a personal failing. It’s a very human response to a body that has been through a lot.

Confidence doesn’t disappear overnight

During diagnosis and treatment, the body often becomes something that is acted upon. Appointments, scans, surgery, radiotherapy, medication – all necessary, all important – but often leaving little space for choice, agency, or listening inwards.

Decisions are made quickly. The focus is survival. The body adapts because it has to.

When treatment ends, there is sometimes an expectation – from others or from ourselves – that confidence should simply return. But the body may feel unfamiliar. Sensations have changed. Energy fluctuates. Scars, stiffness, swelling, or fatigue may remain. Fear of doing the wrong thing can linger.

Confidence doesn’t fade because someone is weak. It fades because trust has been interrupted.

The body remembers what the mind has been through

The body holds experience in ways we don’t always conciously recognise.

From a clinical perspective, changes in tissue, breathing patterns, lymphatic flow, posture, and nervous system regulation all influence how safe or confident the body feels over time. Surgery can alter movement and sensation. Scars may create subtle restrictions even when everythung looks “healed” on the surface. Fatigue can make previously simple tasks feel unpredicatable or overwhelming.

Even when medical treatment is complete, the nervous system may still be on high alert.

In these circumstances, confidence isn’t something that can be forced or rebuilt through motivation alone. It doesn’t return because someone is told to “push through” or “get back to normal”.

Confidence begins to return when the body feels safe enough to be listened to again.

Why confidence often feels fragile after treatment

Many people describe feeling caught between two worlds.

On one side, the medical care is often tightly governed, protocol-driven, and focused on specific outcomes. On the other, fitness, movement spaces and hands-on supportive therapies can feel confusing or intimidating, particularly when bodies no longer behave as expected.

There can be gaps between systems – gaps in language, understanding, and signposting – leaving people unsure where they belong or who they trust with their body next.

This uncertainty can quietly erode confidence. Not because people lack resilience, but because they are navigating change without a clear, supportive bridge.

Confidence is not rebuilt – it re-emerges

Rather than thinking about confidence as something to “build”, it can be more helpful to think about the conditions that allow it to return.

Clinically, confidence often improves when the nervous system settles, movement feels more predictable, and the body experiences gentle, positive feedback again.

In my experience, this happens when there is:

• Safety – feeling listened to, not rushed or judged

• Permission – to go slowly, to rest, to change direction

• Gentle touch – calm, respectful contact that supports reconnection

• Movement without performance – exploring what feels possible, not what should be achieved

• Understanding – clear, accessible explanations that reduce fear

• Time – allowing recovery to be non-linear and individual

None of these require pushing. They require presence.

• Practice Self-Compassion– Adopting a compassionate inner dialogue can counteract negative self-perceptions. Recognising and challenging self-critical thoughts is a crucial step toward rebuilding confidence.

• Seek Supportive communities– Connecting with others who have undergone similar experiences can provide validation and encouragement. Support groups offer a space to share challenges and celebrate progress, fostering a sense of belonging.

A collaborative process, not something to “fix”

Some people come to me simply to receive calm, nurturing treatment – a space where their body can rest and be supported.

Others arrive with questions, patterns they want to understand, or a sense that their body is asking for more. When that happens the work becomes collaborative.

If your body feels hesitant, unfamiliar, or slower than it once was, that doesn’t mean you’ve failed.

It means your body has a story – and with the right support, patience, and collaboration, that story can continue to unfold.

Here are groups local to me and where I also go along and support and be supported.

Clacton: 5K Your Way Move Against Cancer – clactonseafrontgroup@5kyourway.org – we meet once a move for a walk, chat or just to catch up for coffee and a chat

Colchester: Colchester Cancer Wellbeing Centre

Harwich: Harwich cancer support group – Kelly 07585 559761 – we meet every Wednesday from 10-12 at The Royal Oak – 5K Your Way Move Against Cancer – Harwich group meet at Cliff Park Pavilion on last Saturday of each month

Frinton: Together after Breast Cancer  – Meet the First Thursday of each month at Oasis Cafe – Anne 07874 064379 – Touched by Cancer coffee and cake meet on a Monday at McGriggor Hall – the.coffeedownload@gmail.com

Try it and see. You will always be made welcome. Look for something local to you. If you can’t find anything, get in touch and I will have a look.

Embracing a New Normal

Surviving cancer is a significant achievement, but the journey does not end there. Rebuilding confidence is an integral part of recovery, allowing you to:

   • Reconnect with your body

   • Rediscover your strengths

   • Reengage with life on your terms

Remember, healing is not linear, and it’s okay to seek support along the way. Confidence will return.

Ready to take the next step? Explore 6-week cancer recovery and wellbeing programme/