The Weight of Life: My Battle with Obesity

I think for most of my twenties, my weight was manageable and probably even in my thirties–I would gain a stone or two, then lose it fairly quickly. It was much harder as I approached 40 and beyond and have been a slimming club member and used weight loss shakes. My work kept me moving, I didn’t jave a sit down, desk job. 

Covid hit and I transitioned my classes online. What I thought would be a temporary shift has now become my new normal. And with that change, something unexpected happened–I stopped moving as much. 

I spend more time looking at my screen than walking around a room (5 sessions would see me on my feet for 5 hours+), and menopause symptoms quietly crept in.

Then my weight really ballooned. I have not been able to lose it.

The Caretaker Who Neglects Herself

I’m a nurturer–it’s what I do best. When my husband and daughter were both diagnosed with cancer, I poured all of my time and energy into caring for them. Research, extra training, I made sure they had the best support, the right food, rest and exercise. I researched, I adjusted, I advocated. But I didn’t do the same for myself.

The truth is, I talk the talk, but I don’t walk the talk.

And If I’m being really honest and open, there’s something deeper here. I think I don’t truly like myself. I don’t believe I deserve praise or care or success in the same way I see it for others. And that’s hard to admit.

The Vicious Cycle That Needs To End

Physically, the less I do, the less I want to do. And then, the things I used to do so easily become impossible. It’s a vicious cycle that I need to break before it’s too late.

My husband sees it too. He’s worried–he feels like he has to get well and be well because I am a cancer ticking timw bomb. And I know he is right to be concerned. I’ve known about the link between obesity and cancer for years, 35 to be brutally honest. I swept it under the carpet. I buried it, convincing myself that I would deal with it later.

Where It All Began

I have started to think about where my weight struggles really began. A couple of years ago, I had some hypnotherapy sessions, and although I found it incredibly relaxing, only one memory really stood out. As a child, I remember climbing on a chair in the  pantry to reach my mum’s slimming aids–they were like little toffee sweets. Even back then, weight was a presence in my life. Maybe it’s always been there, shaping me in ways I never realised.

No More Hiding

I can’t hide anyomore. I need to take care of myself–not just for my family or so I can do the work I am so passionate about. I need to do it for me. And I know that being open about this journey will help not just myself, but others, too.

I want to be accountable. I want to show up for myself and for the people who have trusted me with their health. Because how can I expect others to respect my views or seek my advice if I am not setting the right example?

Join Me–Privately or Openly

I know I’m not alone in this. If you’re struggling with your weight, with your health, with breaking free from the cycle– I see you. I want you to know you do not have to do this alone.

I invite you to join me. Let’s stop waiting for later, “tomorrow”.

You can send me a message, leave a comment. We can do this. Together.

See my post cancer and obesity